I didn't realize my Tongue was dirty.

I was walking through Whole Foods the other night with my dear friend and I noticed an odd horse-shoe shaped device hanging in their beauty section. "What's that? What's a tongue scraper?" She looked at me as if I just asked who Britney Spears was. "You have never seen a tongue scraper? Weird. Yeah my boyfriend uses one all the time. That's why he has such great breath." I instantly thought to myself, 'How ridiculous. I brush and floss and I'm so glad I'm not going to have to add that to beauty routine.' My next thought changed the "mouth section" of my daily routine forever. 'Oh god! What if I am like her and I just don't know it?' See there is this woman who I really think would be cool to hang out with but I never get past the breath. It's awful and it often makes me want to vomit. Sad. Because I really do think I'd get along with her, otherwise. Anyhow I suddenly realized that since I didn't use a tongue scraper I had no way of knowing if in fact my breath was good or bad. A week later I returned to one of my best beauty secrets, The Chopra Center's website, to order my trusty new tongue cleaner. It arrived yesterday, with my new Neti Pot, and I love it. My tongue looks cleaner and my mouth feels cleaner and it takes about 10 seconds to do. For dditional encouragement, see what this cute midwestern Dentist has to say about it.

A Programing Note

One of my loveliest friends turned 30 recently and I got to enjoy a delicious brunch in her honor. While there, someone told me that there are logs made up of pictures taken every day of every thing on the Internet. Suddenly I thought, "What would my new job think of me if they knew about my nose hair/stretch marks/obsession with chemical peels?" and I rashly dismantled BeautySpot. That was on Sunday. Today is Thursday and I've been met with nothing but sadness and disappointment about the loss. Apparently my intuition was right on in starting this blog. I'm talking about stuff that no one else is. (See post number 1). I have also noticed Eminence's SPF 30 minerals and Bliss's Poutrageous slowly but surely filling my friends' purses. I realized one dear friend of mine was directly in the middle of her first harrowing experience with a chemical peel after reading this blog when I dismantled Beauty Spot. We ended up in a bathroom of a church Monday night examining the nature of her pre-peel kit's side effects. I have glimpsed that perhaps this blog and any possibly humiliation I may suffer because of it, are about something more than me. I'm talking very publicly about things women never talk about in public. I feel like most of the beauty and self care secrets I have learned in the past 14 years could have been taught in a semester long class in 8th grade if it were not for female shame. So I am reposting it - if I'm embarrassed at work because of it - So be it. I'm about to be 27. I'm too old and too fabulous to have any more shame about having a human female body. Or at least I'm too be old to be making rash decisions based on said shame. We have lost some things in the interim. I never saved the articles on Nostril Waxing, Neti Pots, or facial peels. But I have learned my lessons and will continue to write (and save). Thanks for your kind words and I promise I'll consult you before making any other silly decisions.

Poutrageous by Bliss: I'll take the Angelina Jolie Lips, Hold the Muppet Mouth

I met someone. He does things to my body I never imagined possible. Ok ok, so it's not a man it's a beauty product but by all accounts, aren't beauty products sometimes more satisfying? The product is Poutrageous by Bliss. It's a lip plumper. I've dabbled in lip plumpers for several years, knowing that there is a distinct possibility that my upper lip will one day completely disappear. All of the women on my Italian side of the family turn into Muppets after the age of 40, or at least their upper lip disappears completely in a way that only a Muppet can relate to.



See: no Muppet has an upper lip, just a dead flat end at the end of the skin their below their nose. It's called Muppet mouth and while it's cute and endearing on a Muppet, it is neither of those things on a 40 year old woman, or even in my case a 26 year old woman. But in all of my experimenting I have never found a lip plumper that worked. Until, last night when, once again, my theory was reaffirmed that most answers can be found at Bliss. I was browsing the Bliss section of Sephora at Southpoint mall last night after work and stumbled upon a pink box labeled Poutrageous, priced at $22. Having used Spiff Upper Lip (yes, my first tube is still going) I know that their product names are not exaggerations but rather accurate reflections of the often immediate results they summon from the targeted feature. I didn't even sample the product in store. Sure enough as soon as I tried the first application from my adorable new tube of product...instant tingles. In fact it was almost painful as if the product itself induced a mild bee sting and the subsequent swelling. And unlike some plumpers you can apply it as often as you like. Poutrageous goes on clear but causes reddening of the lips almost as immediately as it causes swelling. Now I don't know if using Poutrageous will prevent me from developing Muppet mouth but I do know that when I use it any inkling that I may have the Muppet mouth gene disappears. For $22 that's good enough for me.